the artistic side of me

i love to write poems... they let me express my feelings and emotions on extreme levels and i release alot of anger, hate, love, sadness and whatever else onto the blank sheet of paper, which after im done with it becomes a masterpiece...

this is the first poem i ever wrote. and its about a girl (if you cant tell):

'NOT MYSELF'
I am not myself as of late...
probably because I am the one you hate
this one thing I cannot figure out, nor accept
and I know it's something you will regret
So I am going away for a while
to save yourself the pointless trials
and I wont stop thinking about you
as long as you don't want me to
You are the only one I truly care about
and when I am around you I can't help but scream and shout
because everything about you makes me happy
but what you did to me makes me wanna cry!
You should stop and think of what life is about
it's not just being with the "in crowd"
just settle down, take a break
I will make sure your life is great
but for now, goodbye and sweet dreams
until you re-open your heart for me
I hope you can hear my silent screams...

heres another one i wrote (after i had been cheated on by my first and only gilfriend):

'LEFT ALONE'
One day, as cliche as it seems
I thought I had met the girl of my dreams
She seemed perfect in every way
I wanted to be with her night and day
We hit it off right from the start
I never wanted us to be apart
it was a picture perfect image
of how love was supposed to be
it was me and her, her and me
"TOGETHER+FOREVER"

I loved her with all the good I could
By all the means I could
In all the ways I could
In all the places I could
At all the times I could
As long as I ever could
But only four months worth?!
I gave it all up for her
college, a full-time job, my friends
all of my free time was being with her
all for nothing

Everyone makes mistakes in life
but man, I fucked up big time
I waited seventeen years for a love like this
and to have it taken away so quick?
shit
Where the fuck did I go wrong?
its been over for months
and im STILL writing this poem
I tried my best
(no doubt)
I ignored all the rest
(and we're done now)
My heart belonged to her
It was all for her
and there she went with another guy
When I found out I just wanted to die
I certainly didnt feel the least bit alive
I sure as hell felt played
The heart I had once given her
was now torn and frayed
never will I be the same

Everywhere I go I see your beautiful face
and im constantly reminded of our special places
They say our scars remind us that the past is real
but what has really scarred me for life
is the pain I feel
I dont think I will ever trust another living soul
finding true love?
now theres an impossible goal!!
Tell me now
What can I do?
where can I go?
FUCK IT ALL
I just wanna be left alone...

... I'm all alone

and this last one is my most favorite poem ive ever written (after i had finally gotten over that decieving bitch lol):

'WAKE UP, YOU FOOL'
Listen... can you hear that sound?
It's me pulling the trigger
firing off my last round

The barrel aimed towards my head
do you know why this happened
do you know why I am dead?!

You may think it is because of you
but I apologize, dear
I was never your fool

You WERE the reason I cried every night
so make no mistake
I plan to win this relentless fight

I will live through the people who truly see
the pain i went through
when i realized you never actually loved me

And at the end of the day
you may believe you got the best of me
but I have just one last thing to say

This fantasy? This suicide scene?
wake up, for you are the fool
It was all a dream

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